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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22485277">Would I Still Have You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki/pseuds/nilshki'>nilshki</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:33:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22485277</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nilshki/pseuds/nilshki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Buck sues because he needs the job back. Not because he misses his family or any of the OG reasons. He needs to have a steady income in order to support and take care of his goddaughter while her mom is battling cancer in the hospital. So he has the risk of losing custody of his goddaughter because he doesn’t have a job. He’s dealing with raising a kid by himself and he has to deal with potentially losing his best friend to cancer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>269</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Would I Still Have You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/gifts">Wolvesta</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title is from "Still Have You" by Freya Ridings. </p><p>Prompt from <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolvesta/pseuds/Wolvesta">Wolvesta</a> on the Discord server.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>They didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>get </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. That this was the worst possible time for him to be out of work. That besides for being with his family, he needed the </span>
  <em>
    <span>money</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Fire Marshall didn’t pay as well, and he needed to prove he could support himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And a kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, he was going to have to take care of a kid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t like he was new to taking care of kids, he took care of Christopher and of Anna all the time, but this was a whole new level. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because cancer had to go and grow inside of his oldest, closest friend. And didn’t that just suck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Cancer shouldn’t be able to choose single parents. It wasn’t fair. Anna had already lost her other mom in Afghanistan, she didn’t need to lose another. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it looked like she was going to. Because Jasmine had stage four breast cancer, with metastasis to her lungs, and breathing was getting harder by the day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she wanted Buck to take custody of his goddaughter. Which meant he needed a job that would provide for a five year old. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which Bobby had taken away from him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so, so angry. Angry at Bobby, angry at the world. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he called that lawyer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Buck, do you think we’ll be good parents one day?” Jasmine asks as they lay on the grassy hill, watching the clouds pass by. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I know you’ll be an awesome mom. Not sure I’m dad material though.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She punches his arm lightly. “Of course you are. In fact, if I ever have kids? You’re godfather.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buck rolls his eyes but smiles to himself. She believes in him, and that’s all that matters.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t think that could have gone worse. Everyone seems to hate him, and no one seems to understand why he’s doing this. Why he has to. To be fair, they aren’t talking to him, so they don’t know the extent of his need. But you would think, after all they had been through together, the team would understand why he wanted to get back to them so much. Why he needed his family, their support. Without them, without Jasmine, who did he have?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Buck, this is Allison. Allison, Buck.” He shakes the hand of his best friend’s date, smiling. They sit down for drinks and start chatting. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buck takes his opportunity when Allison goes to the restroom.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“She’s amazing, Jas. How’d you manage to land that one?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She rolled her eyes at him. “Don’t be a dick. I really like her. I might even love her.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That surprises Buck. Jasmine has never been with one person for very long, and never in love. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Really? Jasmine, that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She blushes and looks at her glass. “I haven’t told her yet, but I think she might love me too. I get this feeling...I think I’m going to marry her, one day.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buck takes a sip of beer. “For real? Wow. Wow, this is the real deal, huh?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jasmine nods. “I can see it all with her. A home, a family, growing old together, all that shit, you know?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buck nods. With everyone he’s been with, he’s never seen that for himself with anyone. He’s kind of jealous. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Anyway, tell me about your life! Anyone special over there at UCLA?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Nah, you know me, just bouncing from person to person.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She gives him a smile, but it’s a little sad. “You’re a settle down kind of person Buck, you just haven’t found the one yet. You will.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why can’t you see my side of this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because that’s all you see!” Eddie yells, coming right up in his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck deflates. How can he make Eddie understand?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, man, this...this is not about me, okay? Guys, all of you, you have to believe me, it’s not about me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he breaks down. Right in the middle of the grocery store. He’s been holding back his tears for so long, only crying at night, when he’s sure Anna is asleep. When the world is dark and quiet and no one will know. But he can’t stop them now. Because he’s losing everyone he loves, except maybe Maddie, and God, it hurts. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He tries to talk through the sobs that tear at his chest. “I- I gotta go- sorry - I’m- sorry.” He pushes past the hand that Eddie reaches out, past Hen and Chimney, past Bobby, and out of the store. He needs to be alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He walks into the hospital room, grinning and holding flowers. Jasmine is in the bed, holding a little bundle against her chest, leaning back against Allison. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It brings happy tears to his eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hello, hello!” he says softly, not wanting to startle the little family. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jasmine looks up, tears shining in her eyes too. “My favorite guy.” She smiles wide. “Would you like to meet your goddaughter?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>**</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He tucks Anna into the small cot he set up in his room, giving her a kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, my lovely. Sleep well.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has just settled onto the couch when he hears a pounding at his door. He rushes to answer it before it wakes Anna. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opens it and Eddie strolls in, yelling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t just leave like that man, don’t you get that people worry about you, don’t you see what you’re doing to everyone else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck closes the door quickly and turns. “Eddie please, be quiet, please.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t expect me to be calm after that scene today, can you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bucky? Are you there? Who’s yelling?” a small voice calls from upstairs, and Buck sees the shock run across Eddie’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who- What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck just sends him pleading glance and jogs up the stairs. “I’m coming, Anna sweetie, I’m right here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He gets upstairs and gathers a shaking Anna into his arms, sitting on his bed. “Shh, baby, its okay, I’m here. My friend Eddie is here, you remember Eddie, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie had followed him upstairs, and he points to him as he speaks. Anna nods against his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi Anna, you remember me from Buck’s birthday barbecue, right?” She nods again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why were you yelling?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks ashamed. “I was a little angry, I’m sorry I woke you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks at him, and with the wisdom only a five year old can posses, replies. “That’s okay. Sometimes when you’re mad you do things you don’t mean to. Like break your toys or yell at your mommies.” And then she starts crying into Buck’s chest. “I miss my mommies.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhhh, I know honey, I know. It’s okay, just cry, it’s okay.” He feels the tears in his own eyes again and doesn’t even try to stop them rolling down his face. If his losing Jasmine is going to be hard, it’s going to be nothing compared to Anna’s loss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eddie, can you wait for me downstairs?” he whispers. “I promise we can talk, I just need a few minutes.” Eddie nods and heads down the staircase. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He finally gets Anna back to sleep and pads downstairs to find Eddie sitting on his couch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks up with a face full of regret. “I’m really sorry for barging in. I didn’t mean...why is Anna here? And why is she so upset?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck sighs. The tears are building again. “Jasmine…” He chokes up and starts again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jasmine…” He can’t say it. Eddie just sits there, so patient. Buck takes a deep breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jasmine is dying.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, he loses it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He ends up in Eddie’s arms, head on his shoulder, sobbing like a child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s...my best friend Eddie. We- since we were ten. I tell her all my secrets and she tells me hers. I was there when Anna was born, when she lost Allison. She was there when Abby left, when the bombing happened, after the tsunami. Eddie, how am I going to live without her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie rubs his back, making shushing noises, similar to what he had just done for Anna. They sit there for a few minutes, until Buck calms down a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wipes at his eyes and nose and sits back against the couch. Wishing he still had an excuse to hold Eddie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Buck, if all of this is going on, why are you pursuing this lawsuit? Don’t you have enough on your plate?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need the money, Eddie. Social services is coming for a check soon, to make sure I’m still able to take custody of Anna. I need a better income, I need my job back. Not to mention, I want to be back with you guys. It’s who I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie looks at him thoughtfully. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really amazing, did you know that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck looks at him in shock. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re incredible. Look, I’m sorry I blew up at you today. I was mad that I couldn’t talk to you, I missed you. A lot. And I realized something, as I was yelling.” He stops.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you realize, Eddie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie takes a deep breath. “It hurt that you went to the lawyer because it reminded me of Shannon. And then I realized, you could hurt me like Shannon did. And that scared me, but I didn’t realize how much until you left the store almost crying and my heart was breaking. And I knew I had to come here or I would lose you for good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Buck swallows hard. “Eddie, what are you saying?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Eddie grabs his hands with both of his own and looks him directly in the eyes. “I’m saying I’m in love with you. And I didn’t realize you could break my heart but you can, and God, Evan, I need you to know that I will always be here for you no matter what, but I needed you know that I love you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Buck is crying again, and he can see Eddie is too, and it’s overwhelming. He can’t speak, so he lets Eddie know how he feels the only way he can. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He leans in and presses a soft kiss to Eddie’s lips, feeling the smile form on that face as he does so. He grins in response, and kisses Eddie again, this time more deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Eddie,” he whispers as he pulls away, finally able to speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I meant what I said. I’m going to be here for you, no matter what. We are going to get through this. We’re all going to be okay, I promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>**</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Mommy!” Anna runs to the bed and hops in next to Jasmine. Buck holds Eddie’s hand as they walk in behind her, and Jasmine gives him a knowing smirk. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“How are you feeling today Jas?” Buck asks. And Jasmine gives the widest smile he’s ever seen, and tears sparkle in her eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The treatment is working, Buck.” And Buck’s heart stops.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“The cancer is going away. I’m going to live Buck. Anna, do you hear that? Mommy is getting better.” Buck watches and Anna and Jasmine squeeze each other tightly. “I get to spend more time with you baby, isn’t that amazing?” Anna laughs. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you Mommy.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I love you too, baby.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Buck is crying again. Eddie squeezes his hand before letting go and nodding towards the bed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He walks over and puts his arms around his two favorite girls. And smiles, because he gets to keep his best friend. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Both of them. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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